حسن الوائلي
17-11-2020, 01:38 AM
ﻛﻨﺖ ﻓﻲ ﻋﻤﺮﻱ 23 ﻋﺎﻣﺎً .. ﻓﺄﺣﺴﺴﺖ ﺃﻧﻲ ﻗﺎﺩﺭ ﻋﻠﻰ ﺍﻷﺭﺗﺒﺎﻁ ﻭﺍﻟﺰﻭﺍﺝ .. ﻓﺘﺰﻭﺟﺖ ﻭﻣﻀﺖ ﺍﻷﻳﺎﻡ ﻭﺍﻟﺴﻨﻴﻦ ﻭﺍﻟﻠﻪ ﻟﻢ ﻳﻜﺮﻣﻨﻲ ﺑﻤﻮﻟﻮﺩ .
ﻭﻋﻨﺪ ﻟﺠﻮﺋﻲ ﻣﻊ ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ ﻟﻸﻃﺒﺎﺀ ﺗﺒﻴﻦ ﻟﻨﺎ ﺃﻥ ﺍﻟﻤﺸﻜﻞ ﻓﻴﻬﺎ ﻭﺑﻌﺪ ﺳﻨﻴﻦ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻟﻌﻼﺝ ﻭﺍﻟﻌﻼﺝ ﻋﻨﺪ ﻋﺪﺓ ﺃﻃﺒﺎﺀ ﻟﻢ ﺗﺤﻤﻞ ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ .
ﻭﻛﺎﻥ ﺃﻣﺎﻣﻨﺎ ﻃﺮﻳﻖ ﻭﺍﺣﺪ ﻻﻏﻴﺮ ﻭﻫﻮ ﺃﺟﺮﺍﺀ ﻋﻤﻠﻴﺔ ﺟﺮﺍﺣﻴﺔ ﻟﻬﺎ ﻭﻟﻜﻦ ﺍﻟﻤﺸﻜﻠﺔ ﻛﺎﻧﺖ ﺑﺎﻟﻨﺴﺒﺔ ﺍﻟﻀﺌﻴﻠﺔ ﻟﻨﺠﺎﺣﻬﺎ ﻭﺃﻥ ﻋﺪﻡ ﻧﺠﺎﺣﻬﺎ ﺳﻴﻜﻮﻥ ﻟﻪ ﺃﻧﻌﻜﺎﺳﺎﺕ ﺳﻠﺒﻴﺔ ﻋﻠﻰ ﺻﺤﺔ ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ .
ﻓﺮﻓﻀﺖ ﺃﺟﺮﺍﺋﻬﺎ ﺭﻏﻢ ﺃﻧﻲ ﻛﻨﺖ ﺃﺗﻤﻨﻰ ﺃﻥ ﻳﺮﺯﻗﻨﻲ ﺍﻟﻠﻪ ﻭﻟﺪﺍ " .
ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ ﺃﺻﺮﺕ ﻋﻠﻴﻲ ﻛﻲ ﺃﻭﺍﻓﻖ ﻋﻠﻰ ﺃﺟﺮﺍﺀ ﺍﻟﻌﻤﻠﻴﺔ .
ﻟﻜﻨﻲ ﻗﻠﺖ ﻟﻬﺎ ﻻ ﺃﺭﻳﺪ ﺫﻟﻚ ﺍﻟﻮﻟﺪ ﻋﻠﻰ ﺣﺴﺎﺏ ﺻﺤﺘﻚ ﻭﻻ ﺃﺭﻳﺪ ﺃﻥ ﺃﻏﺎﻣﺮ ﺑﺨﺴﺎﺭﺗﻚ .
ﻓﺈﻧﻲ ﺳﻠﻤﺖ ﺃﻣﺮﻱ ﻟﺮﺑﻲ ﻭﺗﻮﻛﻠﺖ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺃﺛﻖ ﻓﻴﻤﺎ ﺃﺧﺘﺎﺭﻩ ﻟﻲ .
ﻛﻨﺖ ﺃﺗﻌﺮﺽ ﻟﻀﻐﻮﻁ ﺷﺪﻳﺪﺓ ﻣﻦ ﻭﺍﻟﺪﺗﻲ ﻭﺃﺻﺪﻗﺎﺋﻲ ﻭﺑﻌﺾ ﺃﻗﺎﺭﺑﻲ ﻛﻲ ﺃﺗﺰﻭﺝ ﺑﺰﻭﺟﺔ ﺛﺎﻧﻴﺔ .
ﻟﻜﻦ ﻛﻨﺖ ﺩﺍﺋﻤﺎً ﺃﺭﺩ ﻋﻠﻴﻬﻢ ﺑﺎﻟﺮﻓﺾ ﻭﺍﻟﺼﺪﻭﺩ ﻋﻦ ﺗﻠﻚ ﺍﻟﻔﻜﺮﺓ .
ﻭﺃﻗﻮﻝ ﻟﻬﻢ ﻟﻘﺪ ﺗﺰﻭﺟﺖ ﻭﺃﻧﺎ ﺃﺣﺐ ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ ﻭﻻ ﺫﻧﺐ ﻟﻬﺎ ﻓﻴﻤﺎ ﻳﺤﺼﻞ ﺗﻠﻚ ﻣﺸﻴﺌﺔ ﺍﻟﻠﻪ ﺗﻌﺎﻟﻰ ﻭﺃﻧﺎ ﺃﻗﺒﻞ ﻭﺃﺭﺿﻰ ﻓﻴﻤﺎ ﻛﺘﺒﻪ ﻟﻲ .
ﻓﺈﻥ ﻛﺎﻥ ﻳﺮﻳﺪ ﺃﻥ ﻳﺮﺯﻗﻨﻲ ﻣﻦ ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ ﻫﺬﻩ ﻣﻮﻟﻮﺩﺍ ﻓﺎﻟﺤﻤﺪﻟﻠﻪ ﻭﺍﻟﺸﻜﺮ ﻟﻪ .. ﻭﺇﻥ ﻟﻢ ﻳﺮﺯﻗﻨﻲ ﻓﺎﻟﺤﻤﺪﻟﻠﻪ ﻭﺍﻟﺸﻜﺮ ﻟﻪ .. ﻭﺃﻧﺎ ﺃﺭﺿﻰ ﺃﻥ ﺃﻛﻤﻞ ﺣﻴﺎﺗﻲ ﺑﺪﻭﻥ ﺃﻭﻻﺩ ﻋﻠﻰ ﺃﻥ ﺃﻇﻠﻢ ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ ﺑﺎﻟﺰﻭﺍﺝ ﻋﻠﻴﻬﺎ ﻓﻲ ﺳﺒﺐ ﻟﻴﺲ ﻟﻬﺎ ﻓﻴﻪ ﺫﻧﺐ .
ﻭﻣﻀﺖ ﺍﻷﻳﺎﻡ ﻭﺗﺘﺎﺑﻌﺖ ﻭﺃﻛﺘﻢ ﺑﺼﺪﺭﻱ ﻛﻞ ﺷﻴﺊ ﻭﺃﺗﻘﺒﻞ ﻛﻞ ﺷﻴﺊ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻟﻨﺎﺱ ﻣﻦ ﻙﻻﻡ ﻭﻛﺜﺮﺓ ﺗﺴﺎﺅﻻﺕ ﻭﺃﺗﺠﺎﻫﻠﻪ .
ﺣﺘﻰ ﻓﻲ ﻳﻮﻡ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻷﻳﺎﻡ ﻛﻨﺖ ﺟﺎﻟﺴﺎً ﺑﺮﻓﻘﺔ ﺑﻌﺾ ﺍﻷﺻﺪﻗﺎﺀ ﻟﻲ ﻭﻧﺘﺤﺪﺙ ﺣﺘﻰ ﻗﺎﻝ ﻟﻲ ﺃﺣﺪﻫﻢ ﺃﻧﺖ ﺇﻧﺴﺎﻥ ﺟﻴﺪ ﻭﻋﻨﺪﻣﺎ ﺗﺼﻤﻢ ﻋﻠﻰ ﺃﻣﺮ ﺗﻔﻌﻠﻪ ﻭﺑﺄﺣﺴﻦ ﺍﻟﻄﺮﻕ .
ﻭﺑﻴﻨﻤﺎ ﻳﺘﺤﺪﺙ ﺻﺪﻳﻘﻲ ﻫﻜﺬﺍ ﺣﺘﻰ ﺩﺧﻞ ﻋﻠﻴﻨﺎ ﻃﻔﻞ ﺻﻐﻴﺮ ﻻﻳﺘﺠﺎﻭﺯ ﺳﻦ ﺍﻟﻌﺎﻣﻴﻦ ﻭﺫﻫﺐ ﻭﺟﻠﺲ ﺑﺤﻀﻦ ﺃﺑﻴﻪ ﻭﻫﻮ ﺃﺣﺪ ﺃﺻﺪﻗﺎﺋﻲ ﺍﻟﺠﺎﻟﺴﻴﻦ ﻣﻌﻨﺎ .
ﻓﻘﺎﻃﻌﻨﺎ ﻫﺬﺍ ﺍﻟﺼﺪﻳﻖ ﻭﻗﺎﻝ ﻟﻲ ﺃﻧﺖ ﺭﺑﻤﺎ ﺗﺴﺘﻄﻴﻊ ﺃﻥ ﺗﻔﻌﻞ ﻣﺎﺗﺮﻳﺪ ﻟﻜﻨﻚ ﻟﻢ ﺗﺴﺘﻄﻊ ﺃﻥ ﺗﻨﺠﺐ ﻭﻟﺪﺍ " ﻛﻮﻟﺪﻱ ﻫﺬﺍ ﻭﺿﺤﻚ ﺑﺴﺨﺮﻳﺔ ﻋﻠﻴﻲ .
ﻟﻢ ﺃﺭﺩ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺃﻛﺘﻔﻴﺖ ﺑﺎﻟﺨﺮﻭﺝ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻟﻐﺮﻓﺔ .
ﻭﺧﺮﺟﺖ ﺃﻫﻴﻢ ﻋﻠﻰ ﻭﺟﻬﻲ ﻭﻛﺎﻥ ﺍﻟﻠﻴﻞ ﺃﻣﺸﻲ ﻭﻛﻠﻤﺎﺗﻪ ﺗﻄﺮﻕ ﺃﺫﻧﻲ ﻭﻗﻠﺒﻲ ﻳﻌﺘﺼﺮﻩ ﺍﻷﻟﻢ ﻭﺍﻟﻤﺮﺍﺭﺓ ﻭﻟﻢ ﺗﻌﺪ ﺍﻷﺭﺽ ﻛﻠﻬﺎ ﺗﺴﻌﻨﻲ .
ﻓﺮﻓﻌﺖ ﻭﺟﻬﻲ ﻟﻸﻋﻠﻰ ﻭﻧﻈﺮﺕ ﻟﻠﺴﻤﺎﺀ ﻭﻗﻠﺖ ﺑﻜﻞ ﺣﺮﻗﺔ ..
ﻳﺎﺭﺏ ﺃﺭﻳﺪ ﻭﻟﺪﺍ " ﻓﺈﻥ ﻛﺎﻧﺖ ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ ﻏﻴﺮ ﻗﺎﺩﺭﺓ ﺃﻭ ﺃﻧﺎ ﻏﻴﺮ ﻗﺎﺩﺭ ... ﻓﺄﻧﺖ ﺍﻟﻘﺎﺩﺭ ﻋﻠﻰ ﻛﻞ ﺷﻴﺊ .
ﻭﺗﺎﺑﻌﺖ ﻃﺮﻳﻘﻲ ﻧﺤﻮ ﺍﻟﺒﻴﺖ ﻭﺃﻧﺎ ﺣﺰﻳﻦ .
ﻭﻋﻨﺪ ﻟﺠﻮﺋﻲ ﻣﻊ ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ ﻟﻸﻃﺒﺎﺀ ﺗﺒﻴﻦ ﻟﻨﺎ ﺃﻥ ﺍﻟﻤﺸﻜﻞ ﻓﻴﻬﺎ ﻭﺑﻌﺪ ﺳﻨﻴﻦ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻟﻌﻼﺝ ﻭﺍﻟﻌﻼﺝ ﻋﻨﺪ ﻋﺪﺓ ﺃﻃﺒﺎﺀ ﻟﻢ ﺗﺤﻤﻞ ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ .
ﻭﻛﺎﻥ ﺃﻣﺎﻣﻨﺎ ﻃﺮﻳﻖ ﻭﺍﺣﺪ ﻻﻏﻴﺮ ﻭﻫﻮ ﺃﺟﺮﺍﺀ ﻋﻤﻠﻴﺔ ﺟﺮﺍﺣﻴﺔ ﻟﻬﺎ ﻭﻟﻜﻦ ﺍﻟﻤﺸﻜﻠﺔ ﻛﺎﻧﺖ ﺑﺎﻟﻨﺴﺒﺔ ﺍﻟﻀﺌﻴﻠﺔ ﻟﻨﺠﺎﺣﻬﺎ ﻭﺃﻥ ﻋﺪﻡ ﻧﺠﺎﺣﻬﺎ ﺳﻴﻜﻮﻥ ﻟﻪ ﺃﻧﻌﻜﺎﺳﺎﺕ ﺳﻠﺒﻴﺔ ﻋﻠﻰ ﺻﺤﺔ ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ .
ﻓﺮﻓﻀﺖ ﺃﺟﺮﺍﺋﻬﺎ ﺭﻏﻢ ﺃﻧﻲ ﻛﻨﺖ ﺃﺗﻤﻨﻰ ﺃﻥ ﻳﺮﺯﻗﻨﻲ ﺍﻟﻠﻪ ﻭﻟﺪﺍ " .
ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ ﺃﺻﺮﺕ ﻋﻠﻴﻲ ﻛﻲ ﺃﻭﺍﻓﻖ ﻋﻠﻰ ﺃﺟﺮﺍﺀ ﺍﻟﻌﻤﻠﻴﺔ .
ﻟﻜﻨﻲ ﻗﻠﺖ ﻟﻬﺎ ﻻ ﺃﺭﻳﺪ ﺫﻟﻚ ﺍﻟﻮﻟﺪ ﻋﻠﻰ ﺣﺴﺎﺏ ﺻﺤﺘﻚ ﻭﻻ ﺃﺭﻳﺪ ﺃﻥ ﺃﻏﺎﻣﺮ ﺑﺨﺴﺎﺭﺗﻚ .
ﻓﺈﻧﻲ ﺳﻠﻤﺖ ﺃﻣﺮﻱ ﻟﺮﺑﻲ ﻭﺗﻮﻛﻠﺖ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺃﺛﻖ ﻓﻴﻤﺎ ﺃﺧﺘﺎﺭﻩ ﻟﻲ .
ﻛﻨﺖ ﺃﺗﻌﺮﺽ ﻟﻀﻐﻮﻁ ﺷﺪﻳﺪﺓ ﻣﻦ ﻭﺍﻟﺪﺗﻲ ﻭﺃﺻﺪﻗﺎﺋﻲ ﻭﺑﻌﺾ ﺃﻗﺎﺭﺑﻲ ﻛﻲ ﺃﺗﺰﻭﺝ ﺑﺰﻭﺟﺔ ﺛﺎﻧﻴﺔ .
ﻟﻜﻦ ﻛﻨﺖ ﺩﺍﺋﻤﺎً ﺃﺭﺩ ﻋﻠﻴﻬﻢ ﺑﺎﻟﺮﻓﺾ ﻭﺍﻟﺼﺪﻭﺩ ﻋﻦ ﺗﻠﻚ ﺍﻟﻔﻜﺮﺓ .
ﻭﺃﻗﻮﻝ ﻟﻬﻢ ﻟﻘﺪ ﺗﺰﻭﺟﺖ ﻭﺃﻧﺎ ﺃﺣﺐ ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ ﻭﻻ ﺫﻧﺐ ﻟﻬﺎ ﻓﻴﻤﺎ ﻳﺤﺼﻞ ﺗﻠﻚ ﻣﺸﻴﺌﺔ ﺍﻟﻠﻪ ﺗﻌﺎﻟﻰ ﻭﺃﻧﺎ ﺃﻗﺒﻞ ﻭﺃﺭﺿﻰ ﻓﻴﻤﺎ ﻛﺘﺒﻪ ﻟﻲ .
ﻓﺈﻥ ﻛﺎﻥ ﻳﺮﻳﺪ ﺃﻥ ﻳﺮﺯﻗﻨﻲ ﻣﻦ ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ ﻫﺬﻩ ﻣﻮﻟﻮﺩﺍ ﻓﺎﻟﺤﻤﺪﻟﻠﻪ ﻭﺍﻟﺸﻜﺮ ﻟﻪ .. ﻭﺇﻥ ﻟﻢ ﻳﺮﺯﻗﻨﻲ ﻓﺎﻟﺤﻤﺪﻟﻠﻪ ﻭﺍﻟﺸﻜﺮ ﻟﻪ .. ﻭﺃﻧﺎ ﺃﺭﺿﻰ ﺃﻥ ﺃﻛﻤﻞ ﺣﻴﺎﺗﻲ ﺑﺪﻭﻥ ﺃﻭﻻﺩ ﻋﻠﻰ ﺃﻥ ﺃﻇﻠﻢ ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ ﺑﺎﻟﺰﻭﺍﺝ ﻋﻠﻴﻬﺎ ﻓﻲ ﺳﺒﺐ ﻟﻴﺲ ﻟﻬﺎ ﻓﻴﻪ ﺫﻧﺐ .
ﻭﻣﻀﺖ ﺍﻷﻳﺎﻡ ﻭﺗﺘﺎﺑﻌﺖ ﻭﺃﻛﺘﻢ ﺑﺼﺪﺭﻱ ﻛﻞ ﺷﻴﺊ ﻭﺃﺗﻘﺒﻞ ﻛﻞ ﺷﻴﺊ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻟﻨﺎﺱ ﻣﻦ ﻙﻻﻡ ﻭﻛﺜﺮﺓ ﺗﺴﺎﺅﻻﺕ ﻭﺃﺗﺠﺎﻫﻠﻪ .
ﺣﺘﻰ ﻓﻲ ﻳﻮﻡ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻷﻳﺎﻡ ﻛﻨﺖ ﺟﺎﻟﺴﺎً ﺑﺮﻓﻘﺔ ﺑﻌﺾ ﺍﻷﺻﺪﻗﺎﺀ ﻟﻲ ﻭﻧﺘﺤﺪﺙ ﺣﺘﻰ ﻗﺎﻝ ﻟﻲ ﺃﺣﺪﻫﻢ ﺃﻧﺖ ﺇﻧﺴﺎﻥ ﺟﻴﺪ ﻭﻋﻨﺪﻣﺎ ﺗﺼﻤﻢ ﻋﻠﻰ ﺃﻣﺮ ﺗﻔﻌﻠﻪ ﻭﺑﺄﺣﺴﻦ ﺍﻟﻄﺮﻕ .
ﻭﺑﻴﻨﻤﺎ ﻳﺘﺤﺪﺙ ﺻﺪﻳﻘﻲ ﻫﻜﺬﺍ ﺣﺘﻰ ﺩﺧﻞ ﻋﻠﻴﻨﺎ ﻃﻔﻞ ﺻﻐﻴﺮ ﻻﻳﺘﺠﺎﻭﺯ ﺳﻦ ﺍﻟﻌﺎﻣﻴﻦ ﻭﺫﻫﺐ ﻭﺟﻠﺲ ﺑﺤﻀﻦ ﺃﺑﻴﻪ ﻭﻫﻮ ﺃﺣﺪ ﺃﺻﺪﻗﺎﺋﻲ ﺍﻟﺠﺎﻟﺴﻴﻦ ﻣﻌﻨﺎ .
ﻓﻘﺎﻃﻌﻨﺎ ﻫﺬﺍ ﺍﻟﺼﺪﻳﻖ ﻭﻗﺎﻝ ﻟﻲ ﺃﻧﺖ ﺭﺑﻤﺎ ﺗﺴﺘﻄﻴﻊ ﺃﻥ ﺗﻔﻌﻞ ﻣﺎﺗﺮﻳﺪ ﻟﻜﻨﻚ ﻟﻢ ﺗﺴﺘﻄﻊ ﺃﻥ ﺗﻨﺠﺐ ﻭﻟﺪﺍ " ﻛﻮﻟﺪﻱ ﻫﺬﺍ ﻭﺿﺤﻚ ﺑﺴﺨﺮﻳﺔ ﻋﻠﻴﻲ .
ﻟﻢ ﺃﺭﺩ ﻋﻠﻴﻪ ﻭﺃﻛﺘﻔﻴﺖ ﺑﺎﻟﺨﺮﻭﺝ ﻣﻦ ﺍﻟﻐﺮﻓﺔ .
ﻭﺧﺮﺟﺖ ﺃﻫﻴﻢ ﻋﻠﻰ ﻭﺟﻬﻲ ﻭﻛﺎﻥ ﺍﻟﻠﻴﻞ ﺃﻣﺸﻲ ﻭﻛﻠﻤﺎﺗﻪ ﺗﻄﺮﻕ ﺃﺫﻧﻲ ﻭﻗﻠﺒﻲ ﻳﻌﺘﺼﺮﻩ ﺍﻷﻟﻢ ﻭﺍﻟﻤﺮﺍﺭﺓ ﻭﻟﻢ ﺗﻌﺪ ﺍﻷﺭﺽ ﻛﻠﻬﺎ ﺗﺴﻌﻨﻲ .
ﻓﺮﻓﻌﺖ ﻭﺟﻬﻲ ﻟﻸﻋﻠﻰ ﻭﻧﻈﺮﺕ ﻟﻠﺴﻤﺎﺀ ﻭﻗﻠﺖ ﺑﻜﻞ ﺣﺮﻗﺔ ..
ﻳﺎﺭﺏ ﺃﺭﻳﺪ ﻭﻟﺪﺍ " ﻓﺈﻥ ﻛﺎﻧﺖ ﺯﻭﺟﺘﻲ ﻏﻴﺮ ﻗﺎﺩﺭﺓ ﺃﻭ ﺃﻧﺎ ﻏﻴﺮ ﻗﺎﺩﺭ ... ﻓﺄﻧﺖ ﺍﻟﻘﺎﺩﺭ ﻋﻠﻰ ﻛﻞ ﺷﻴﺊ .
ﻭﺗﺎﺑﻌﺖ ﻃﺮﻳﻘﻲ ﻧﺤﻮ ﺍﻟﺒﻴﺖ ﻭﺃﻧﺎ ﺣﺰﻳﻦ .